Motherhood Fail

This is a picture of my carpet covered in chocolate ice cream.  Matilda is the little booger that put it there, not to mention various other places around the house.  It was Malia who got the ice cream out of the freezer, without permission (clearly), and left it on the kitchen counter.  I'm the moron who thought I could put on a movie for the kids--Monsters Vs. Aliens--and take a little break, as I had a very busy/stressful day.

By little break, I mean just that: a very short break, thirty minutes tops, so I could decompress before I had to pick up the clutter around the house and make some dinner.  And anyway, our place is small.  I was only one room away.

Funny thing:  I've already been through this.  Three years ago.  Except last time it was peanut butter instead of ice cream.  It was so bad I had to grab a camera and film it.  Enjoy.



Seriously,  what   is   wrong   with   me ?  Why didn't I learn from the peanut butter incident?  When will I learn that I'm never going to get a break.  Such a thing is not an option when one has small children!  Clearly, I fail at motherhood (today).

Yea or Nay?

So...Duane has a mustache. A Mustache! This isn't a new development though. No, he's been mustachioed for a few months now. What do I think about the mangy ferret that has taken up residence between his nose and lips? Well, that last sentence says it all, doesn't it?

What do you think? Should Duane get rid of the mustache?

Worst Way To Wake Up In The Morning

Guess what everybody? I just discovered the worst way to wake up in the wee hours of the morning (after having stayed up the majority of the night putting out vomit-related fires, doing load after load of laundry AND barely having the opportunity to hop into bed myself).

The Worst Way To Wake Up In The Morning is to have your 10 month old vomiting ON YOUR FACE! Yeah, you read that right: My baby vomited ON MY FACE. TWICE. Because the first wave of vomit didn't exactly wake me up immediately. Oh and it was pedialyte. So it reeked of grape flavor (and no, I didn't taste it but the SMELL was incredibly strong) Talk about disgusting.

Now that I've made you throw up in your own mouth, I'll sign off.

Penny Bitner, Mother of three very sick little girls

Whatever (I'm not surprised).

Barak Obama is the next President. Fine. Whatever. I'll live (I think).

I was not a huge fan of McCain, but I voted for McCain because I couldn't in good conscience vote for Obama (no matter how much Duane was campaigning for him). No, I'm not racist, so please don't go there. Heck, I'm hardly even a Republican. I just don't believe Obama has it in him to lead this country in the right direction (quite frankly, I'm frightened about what he plans on doing) and there is so much about Obama's background that SCARES me.

I guess I can be happy for the African American community. They're super excited. That's cool (I'm not being sarcastic here).

It's too bad that McCain didn't win. I was looking forward to seeing him go 'Double Maverick' on everyone. Oh well...

My review of Breaking Dawn

*Warning, the following review contains 'Breaking Dawn' spoilers*

I wanted to love this book; to read it over and over until my head exploded. I tried to love it, even after page 360, and my complete disappointment of Jacob imprinting – on Bella’s mutant baby, no less. But I kept reading because I just knew that Stephenie was going to make it up to me.

The more I read, the more difficult it became for me to finish. I am ashamed to say I endured the torture ‘til the bitter end – and oh was it bitter or rather so sickeningly sweet it caused me to throw up in my mouth a little. Don’t get me wrong, I am all about happy endings but not at the expense of a good plot.

Breaking Dawn could have been an amazing ending to a pretty good series. To say I am disappointed with this book doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel. In all honesty, this book ruined the entire series for me. I no longer have the desire to pick up any of the other books – which, I used to love. There is no way I could read them again now that I know the ending is so redonculous (rE-D'on-kU-lus; Adjective, used when the word ridiculous just isn't enough).

This book started off okay, with Bella angsting about having to drive a flashy car and getting married at such a young age – Classic Bella, am I right? But after the wedding and even the majority of the honeymoon, things went downhill. Bella, pregnant? Really? But, I was willing to forgive that particular plot twist even though it defied Mrs. Meyers canon about vampires. And she never said it wasn’t possible for a human to get pregnant after having sex with a vampire, so I simply shrugged my shoulders went with it.

I’ll admit that I liked the Jacob chapters, despite the fact that Edward offers Bella to Jacob so long as Jacob can convince Bella to abort the abomination that they’ve created with Edwards magical vampire sperm. Edward was watching his 'true love' die and it was torturing him, so of course he lost touch with reality - Totally understandable (although completely icky as well) so I hand-waved that; forgave it. I started getting aggravated when Bella was totally drawing Jacob back in (unbeknownst to us, the readers, it’s only because she’s pregnant with his future bride. More about that atrocity later) and setting him up for more heartbreak. Classic selfish Bella that we love to hate.

I really hoped that Jacob would find the ability to move past his love of Bella on his own. I don’t know about anyone else but I am getting sick of the ‘I-cannot-live-without-you’ kind of “love” (more like freaky obsession) that has been going on in these novels. It is possible to heal from a broken heart and actually MOVE ON and even fall in love again.

It seemed as though Stephenie was going to have that happen, that Leah and Jacob might deepen their friendship and discover that they actually care for each other. But no, that would erase Jacob from Bella’s life and we couldn’t have that. No. Jacob gets to imprint on the abomination that is Renesmee. Lucky him! Now Jacob doesn’t actually have to work to heal his broken heart. Oh and of course, lucky Bella for being able to keep Jacob in her life forever (I hate you, Bella Swan-Cullen).

Now on to the delivery of Renesmee. WOW, talk about a joyous occasion. What with Bella vomiting a 'fountain of blood'; the breaking of bones (Bella's back was snapped); the c-section preformed with Edwards mouth (yes, I just said MOUTH); little Renesmee sucking mama’s blood and mama flat lining after all was said and done, it’s too bad they didn’t get the whole thing on film.

Renesmee, hmmm…where to start? I’m not even going to touch the subject of her name with a ten-foot-pole. I’m just going to say that the way she’s described in the novel, sounds more like the 'Bride of Chucky' instead of some super cute baby. All the rapid growing, blood drinking and mind-melding was in no way endearing, it was weird.

Considering that the romance was non-existant in the last 3/4 of this novel, it totally lacked in cute Bella and Edward moments. All we got was kinky, tantric, vampire sex that had the potential to go for days or even weeks (yes, Bella actually thinks about that being a possibility). YIKES AND...JUST YIKES!

Isn't it just super great that Bella gets to keep Charlie in her life? It proves that you really can have your (blood) cake and eat it too. I love that the sheriff in town doesn't even want to know anything about the vampires in town, unless it is entirely necessary. Apparently ignorance really is bliss.

Oh and I loved how Renee, Bella's mom, just disappeared into obscurity. She didn't even call when Bella was supposedly in lockdown with some deadly Brazilian disease. Seriously though, when did Renee go from being the overbearing mother who would FREAK OUT about not hearing from Bella every day, to one that could care less what the crap happened to her?

The epic battle was more like an epic failure. The whole book was building up to the fight in the woods and then nothing happened. Talk about anti-climatic. I found that I was just as disappointed as the Romanian vampires were. The only casualty was Irina and it's not like she was important enough to be broken up over.

Despite the fact that I am a huge Jacob fan, I would have been okay with him dying to protect the little monster he'd imprinted on. I mean, JK Rowling killed DUMBLEDORE, for crying out loud. Stephenie could have killed just ONE of her precious characters. By doing so, she would have been able to breathe some life into this flaming pile of garbage.

And It seemed to me that by avoiding a fight the Cullens just woke a sleeping giant. Based on the conversation they were having after the "battle", it seems to me that they knew the Volturi were going to come back and attempt pick them off one-by-one. Wow talk about a victory! But why worry when Bella has mad vampire skillz? Am I right?

Worst line from this book: "Goodbye, Jacob, my brother... my son." *shutter* *cringe* *shutter*

The last few pages when Bella lifted her "shield" for Edward, so he could read her mind, wasn't all that bad. I liked that part, to tell you the truth. I also liked learning more about Leah Clearwater (in the Jacob chapters). In all honesty, it was the rest of the book that was horrendous.

TWO ENTHUSIASTIC THUMBS WAY DOWN!

(Edited on Sunday August 17, 2008)